Aside from marginal accomplishments like codifying law or perfecting the groin vault, the Romans came up with a panacea for the obesity epidemic: public baths.
The Romans ingeniously leveraged peer pressure to combat corpulence. Unlike those uncouth Germanic tribes who bathed privately in Danube tributaries, the Roman stock had to perform the rite in public. So in theory, you might be able to conceal unhealthy habits under your tunic, but those epicurean habits would eventually come to light. Suppressed laughter deterrs more effectively than any scale.
The hubris of DC has not yet been fully tapped. We can overcome our gluttony with one simple government intervention: a building code adjustment to outlaw running water. Communities will have no choice but to run a few aqueducts into city halls. We’ll fraternize our way to fitness.
